Almost There...

I had my first birth class at the hospital last night. I didn't know what the class was all about but turned up anyway with Cliff. When I had my antenatal physio class a few months before, the preggers from birth class next door seemed like the seniors in school knowing what they were doing albeit waddling around with bigger bellies. Now that I'm "promoted" to the birth class...I realized it was all a misconception on my part - the birthing process is still very much uncontemplatable.

At the start of the class, the midwife went through the symptoms of pregnancy and asked each and everyone of us what we experienced. I suddenly went blank. I couldn't remember...there were so many but I couldn't pinpoint any specific..."Morning sickness?" she asked, I nodded my head diligently. The other preggers contributed to the list spontaneously while I lit up when each point rang a bell. Memories flashed in my head what I went through these 6 months...but how could I forget? The last symptom raised explained it all, "Baby brain!" I must have a lot of that.

But clearly I have forgotten what it was like pre-pregnancy. How my body felt and how I felt about it...it's all in distant memory I can't unearth now. Now I manouvre my way around with my bump...even in my dreams this bump is always with me. I have forgotten the lightness...carefree days...

We were taught the terms of body parts associated with birth so we will know exactly what the doctor and midwife refer to during that time of crisis. We were also shown how to prepare ourselves during the first stage of birth.

Everything is just surreal and makes me nervous knowing how soon I will need to apply this practical knowledge on myself. Now I'm so used to being pregnant, even with the puking which is more like a part of daily routine, it's hard to imagine something else happening to my body.

After 4 months of being at home, I feel guilty about not working. Some mornings I really wish I was going to work...perhaps working will distract me from the woes of pregnancy? I still don't know whether working while pregnant is a good idea. But I really miss the challenges and human interactions. One evening Cliff was beaming during dinner and I asked if he had a good day at work. He told me he had a difficult staff but felt great after mentoring her with effectiveness. He felt he mastered the communication skills he once yearned to possess. I don't know why but it made me jealous I didn't have the opportunity to polish my career skills! When and how I'll have a career or even a job again I don't know. 

Nonetheless, every time when I have a really bad pregnancy day at home I am thankful I could stay home to rest indefinitely while everything is being taken care of by Cliff. A few days ago, I tried cleaning the house and it took me twice as long and it was still half as clean. I was huffing and puffing and after the cleaning I concussed in bed for 3 hours. Gone are the days of efficiency....